Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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