Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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