Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
