The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
