If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
