I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
