he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
