I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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