So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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