I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
