pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
