Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
