Just fell off a train. Bad.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
