I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
