how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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