matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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