all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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