you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ok first of all what the fuck
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
