We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
