Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
