I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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