you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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