i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
