It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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