First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
