My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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