a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Pants are for mortals
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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