She is in my trunk
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
