New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
