When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
