it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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