You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
