i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize