She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
