repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
