Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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