i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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