Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
