I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
