Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize