you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize