I bet he comes in French.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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