Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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