saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
