it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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