I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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