dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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