oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's never too late to be topless.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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