Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
im on a boat
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