I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
