i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
