I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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