____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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