I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
