maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
