Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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