FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
