we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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