WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
