dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
