its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
