Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
