no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
