So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize