I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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