I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
