She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
