I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
