Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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