you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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