One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
