we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
