Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
