When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i believe in u and ur pee
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize