I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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