Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize