Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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