I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
