You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
