Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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