So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
