dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Randomize
