I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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