i barfeds in our rink
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
