So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
