she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
